Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Coming Up for Air

Sheesh...just looking at the title of my last blog post makes me not even want to look at my computer. So I've been avoiding it. Avoiding my computer. Avoiding my blog. Avoiding having to come up with a post that will turn the tide of the last one.

I don't want to come up with a way to make all that better or to sugar coat it. But on the other hand, ugh! I'm so ready for this season of "funk" to be over. The melancholy Jody is not fun to be around. I don't much enjoy her. She sleeps a lot. She's cranky. She doesn't know what's wrong. She doesn't fix her hair. She doesn't have any actual problems, she just feels uninspired, unmotivated, unhygienic.

The good news is my Dad is doing great! Recent blood work came back superfine and he's practically fully recovered and his hair has even grown back. My brother Kevin, has a running joke. When someone asks if Dad needs anything, Kevin has been known to say, "Yeah, Dad needs that like he needs a hole in the head!"

And it seriously makes me crack up even writing it now. Gotta love that Kevin.

My dear Grandmother is dying. So hard for me. One day I'm gonna write a post about all that I think I'm learning through this time of watching her life of 103 years slowly come to it's end. For now, I'll admit that I think we're all pretty much unaware that we're going to die. And we usually put dying people so far removed from our daily existence that we (Western, post-modern, wealthy folk) don't even know what it looks like anymore. Especially if the person is not dying from a disease. My Grandmother is dying because that's what people do when they're 103. You guys have probably already come to this understanding. For me, I'm still grappling with it.

















See, the melancholy Jody is not very much fun.

But I'm starting to ..... come up for air. Enjoy what I have. Appreciate who God is even when I'm feeling low. Even take a couple pictures here and there.

I've been leading a Bible study this month and am loving the girls there. Some have some crappy crap stuff in their lives, but they're turning to God and his Word for the answers. We're all struggling through, yet encouraging each other.

God is good. His mercy continues forever.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dearest Jody,

What a treasure to have your grandmother with you for so many years. 103! That's amazing.

Loss is never easy. For those who die, it is the finishing of a race well run. The beginning of forever. A new adventure. Youth regained. Love reunited.

For those of us who are left, there is sometimes an emptiness and a brokenness. The pain of missing our loved ones is intense. Loss of what has been. The longing to see them. Understanding that one day you will, and until then living your life and realizing how time is a precious gift. Rejoicing in that gift. Ps. 30:11,12.
StephMac

Val said...

Don't knock the melancholy Jody (though I know it's no fun being melancholy). Last winter as I was fighting through the blahs (and ok, maybe a little depression) it occurred to me that as I cycle through the seasions and struggle through the darkness I tell my own resurrection story. I really struggle in the winters here with staying emotionally 'up' and when it's the dead of winter and everything just feels dark and I'm doing everything I can to force my default position into something more positive I remember that. The light will seep back into my life and my life will reflect a little bit of Easteryness with life reborn anew.

I think that's true with seasons of grief and I think that along with our not dealing with the realities of death and dying and what that looks like we also don't deal with the emotions surrounding them very well. You are in a hard season and I'm so sorry for that. But don't add shoulding on yourself on top of the difficult season.

(And Val ends the comment realizing that she's writing to herself... funny how that works. ;))

Sending you love from WA.

Kelly said...

I think that death is so hard because when God created us that was not part of the plan. I'm not sure we were ever suppose to know the pain caused by the loss of a loved one.
The only comfort we get in the process in hopefully knowing we will see them again someday.
I pray you find comfort, strength, joy and peace in this season of life.
Kelly

The Zookeepers said...

((((Jody)))) having been in that funk before I completely understand. You are being lifted up in prayers dear sister.

Amy said...

Hey sweetie. I'm just catching up...so sorry to hear about your grandmother. And I'm glad your dad is doing so great--but how scary that must've been! Be patient with yourself...you've been through a lot.

Love you much. xoxo

lindsay said...

:)

Thanks for writing.

Seasons.

Would love to get together soon.

L.