Tuesday, December 21, 2010

How I've Failed at Homeschooling

There has been a serious overlook in the Robinson Homeschooling. If there were some authorities to report this to, it had better be reported. But, thankfully, we live in a state where the homeschooling rules are pretty simple. There's actually two. Two rules you have to follow when you homeschool here. Do you know what they are? If you can list them in the comments, you get a gold star.

While I have not broken those two cardinal rules of homeschooling, I have failed nonetheless. And the failure brings great shame upon the house.

My daughter, my firstborn, my very image, does not know how to hand-jive.

She's 9 and she doesn't know how to hand-jive!

She doesn't know:
Bo bo ski wat ten tot ten
Eh eh, eh eh, boom boom boom
Itty bitty wat ten tot ten
Bo bo ski wat ten tot ten
Bo bo ski wat ten tot ten boom!

And/or she doesn't know:

Mama had a baby his name was tiny Tim
She put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim
He drank up all the water,
He ate up all the soap
He would have ate the bathtub but it couldn't fit down his throat.
Mama called the doctor, Mama called the nurse
Mama called the lady with the alligator purse....

What will become of her?! How will she make it through life without the experience of standing in line after lunch, lunchbox between her feet, waiting for the teacher to come back, slapping hands: up and down, left and right, over, under, 3 slaps in the middle?!

How did I not realize if I didn't put her into a "real school" she wouldn't ever learn this?! This has been a serious overlook that should be reported to the principal or someone in charge around here.

So in a vain attempt to make up for lost time, I tried to teach her today. Folks, it was an abysmal failure. She may have missed the critical period for learning hand-jive. But we're going to work on it. We only stumbled upon the hand-jive failure realization recently because Lydia checked out The Lady with the Alligator Purse from the library. And as we were reading it aloud I said, it's just like the hand jive.

And I got this blank stare. The blank stare of "What the heck is hand-jive?"

I'm hoping we can turn this ship around and get it moving in the right direction. I started to teach Luke today as well. He seemed to catch on a little quicker. We may not have missed the window on him. But if I remember correctly, boys did not do the hand  jive when I was in school. I'm hoping boys nowadays have embraced equal opportunity thought and are also enjoying the hand-jive in those great cafeteria lines of wisdom.


the johnson's said...

This is too funny. Not sure why I thought this was going to be a serious post? I, too, have been delinquent in teaching my children the hand-jive. Maybe we should get together and correct that some time!
Also, I think the 2 rules you're looking for are that the children must be taught in English, and they must be taught subjects corresponding to those of similar age and grade of public school. I'd be happier to receive a gap gift card than a gold star, but I guess that will just have to do!

Malissa Cash said...

This is way cute! If its any consolation, my kids don't know many either...and they are in "real school"! LOL! In fact they do some that I have never heard of!
Fyi, we have those same bowls and my kiddos love them, especially for ice cream and cereal...Hehe!

Kelly said...

You are crazy!!! I've failed as well.

Megan said...

I have no clue of this particular hand jive you describe. Guess you'll have to teach me too. Kel and I taught Ilese "Miss Mary Mac"... but that's all we know. Guess Knoxville just was not "with it"
Thanks soooo much for wittling time out to help me and Kelly pack