Redneck Reality: Video Store

So my mom wanted to watch a movie one night and instead of heading into 'town' (10 miles away) my sister-in-law and I headed up to the local one.


We get there and I see that the older movies are 5 movies, for 7 nights for $5. Great deal. Especially because I missed almost every movie from 1998-2001 and 2003-2005. (Seminary and babies cramp the movie-watching style). Anyway so we pick out 5 oldies and 2 new releases.Then we go to check out and I say I want to open an account. The clerk informs me I can only check out 1 movie when I open a new account. hmmm. . . bummer. . . but my sister-in-law has a great idea to use our other sister-in-law's account! So we give her name, and no problem we can now check out all 7 movies.


So the next time I go up to the store to return the 7 movies I decide to check out only 1 movie so I can open an account for myself. Here's how that went.


Me: I'd like to open an account


Clerk: All I need is an ID.


I show her my TX drivers license (Yes, I know I should have gotten an IL one by now, but I thought we'd be moving into a house and I would just wait until then, but that process had taken longer than expected and now I'm in a little rebellion about not getting a new one until I can put my permanent address on it.)


Clerk: I need a local ID, don't you have anything with a local address on it?


Me: Um, no. All I've got is this TX drivers license. Is there something else I could show you? Credit card? Bank card? Insurance card? TX library card? Great photos of my children?

Clerk: No, I need something with an address.

Me: Well, I can give you an address. I'm a Rodie. We're living with my parents. It's like 7 blocks from here. My dad was a schoolteacher in this town for 20 years. I grew up here all my life, I've been gone since 1994, but now I'm back.

Clerk: Oh, I already know who you are, I work with your brother at the bank.

Me: (silently) Are you kidding me!?! 1. You already know who I am! 2. Last week I checked out 7 movies based upon my sister-in-law's account! Why in the world do you need something with an actual in-town address? 3. What about homeless people? Can't they check out movies? This has got to be some kind of weird small-town discrimination--or perhaps a cult. Maybe you have to give a local address and sign your name in blood to check out a stinkin' movie from 1999!!!!!

Me: (outloud) So could I give you my brother's address?

Clerk: That's okay, I'll just open your account without an address.

Me: (outloud) Thanks so much.

Me: (siliently) Seriously?!!!